The Pantless Wonder

Or anyone else. That’s the new rule.

Max has talked about Ted or me dying within the last 6 months…I don’t know if it has to do with Monmon dying or something else; but I don’t act like it’s a big deal. I just smooth over the conversation and then change topics in a minute or two. He’s also always talked about moving into other boys’ houses. I can tell it’s because he loves their toys, and the food they have and the fact that their tv’s are on almost all of the time. I don’t take offense, I figure all kids are probably somewhat like this.

But today at lunch he asked who his mom and dad would be if we died while he was a boy. I told him we’d always be his mom and dad, but that he would probably go live with some of our family. He said he wished Aden (neighbor boy down the street) was his family. He wished Daddy would die while he was still a boy so he could go live with Aden. He likes Aden’s face now, but probably when Aden grows up and his face looks different he won’t like it as much. !!!!!!!!!!!

he was wearing a safari hat and carrying a ‘suitcase’ (box of books). I said a traveler, and guessed a couple of other things. “Nope, I’m a man with a hat. And a gun; I need to go get a gun.”

Max went to the CDC for Give Parents A Break yesterday. He told me this morning he sang a song about being afraid, and how God is always with you. He wanted other kids to ask about God.
That’s great, I said, you were being a missionary, telling others about God.
I wanted to trick them, he said. I didn’t want them to know who God was.
Great.
Later, when I’d calmed myself and regrouped I asked him if anyone had asked about God. He said no, he was singing low so they didn’t hear him.
I told him God wants everyone to know how much He loves them.
Max told me they don’t even go to church. (How does he know that? He doesn’t.) We went on to discuss, but please!!!!!??? What the heck happened here?

From the back of the truck: Before I was some atoms (that’s a mixture of my ‘where do babies come from’ talk and the Hubble show) was I anywhere

Max at breakfast: I wish I had magnet shoes ’cause if I was running and someone was chasing me and there was a cold wall like at Old McDonald’s I could run up it.

Max at supper: I think Jack thinks you’re a slave.
Ya think???!

A warning to other parents: Don’t let your kids watch stuff you’re not knowledgeable enough to explain. Today (4 days after watching the Hubble video 8 times) Max asked me to explain spiral galaxies. Huh. Galaxies that are spiral, I guess. According to Max ‘they seem to be moving faster and faster’. Whatever.

This morning at breakfast someone called, and afterwards I programmed their number in my phone. Jack fussed that I wasn’t feeding him fast enough (which he does even when I’m not distracted) and Max said Jack fussed because he thought I was calling someone to have Max killed! This kid’s starting to scare me!

I love you, I told Max. I love Bolt, he said.

Max is a serious superhero today, he says. He’s in his Buzz Lightyear costume with a cape tied on. He asked me if I needed anything lasered and I told him there were bad guys in the dining room. He said no (he contradicts everything I say), but there were bad guys coming…could I open a window so he could laser them? Since there’s still snow on the ground I told him to just pretend to open the window. Guess I should check to see that that’s all he did.

Out of the blue: “Well, I’m sorry to tell you but you won’t want to go in a black hole. ‘Cause you can go into it but then you can’t get out.” Max has been watching a Hubble piece I recorded a while back. How did he know where I’ve been wanting to go (with a good book, of course)?