The Pantless Wonder

Max went to the CDC for Give Parents A Break yesterday. He told me this morning he sang a song about being afraid, and how God is always with you. He wanted other kids to ask about God.
That’s great, I said, you were being a missionary, telling others about God.
I wanted to trick them, he said. I didn’t want them to know who God was.
Great.
Later, when I’d calmed myself and regrouped I asked him if anyone had asked about God. He said no, he was singing low so they didn’t hear him.
I told him God wants everyone to know how much He loves them.
Max told me they don’t even go to church. (How does he know that? He doesn’t.) We went on to discuss, but please!!!!!??? What the heck happened here?

From the back of the truck: Before I was some atoms (that’s a mixture of my ‘where do babies come from’ talk and the Hubble show) was I anywhere

Max at breakfast: I wish I had magnet shoes ’cause if I was running and someone was chasing me and there was a cold wall like at Old McDonald’s I could run up it.

Max at supper: I think Jack thinks you’re a slave.
Ya think???!

A warning to other parents: Don’t let your kids watch stuff you’re not knowledgeable enough to explain. Today (4 days after watching the Hubble video 8 times) Max asked me to explain spiral galaxies. Huh. Galaxies that are spiral, I guess. According to Max ‘they seem to be moving faster and faster’. Whatever.

This morning at breakfast someone called, and afterwards I programmed their number in my phone. Jack fussed that I wasn’t feeding him fast enough (which he does even when I’m not distracted) and Max said Jack fussed because he thought I was calling someone to have Max killed! This kid’s starting to scare me!

I love you, I told Max. I love Bolt, he said.

Max is a serious superhero today, he says. He’s in his Buzz Lightyear costume with a cape tied on. He asked me if I needed anything lasered and I told him there were bad guys in the dining room. He said no (he contradicts everything I say), but there were bad guys coming…could I open a window so he could laser them? Since there’s still snow on the ground I told him to just pretend to open the window. Guess I should check to see that that’s all he did.

Out of the blue: “Well, I’m sorry to tell you but you won’t want to go in a black hole. ‘Cause you can go into it but then you can’t get out.” Max has been watching a Hubble piece I recorded a while back. How did he know where I’ve been wanting to go (with a good book, of course)?

Max (who knows everything) says “I don’t think I was young (when Daddy got rid of his BMW), I was just regular”. Well, that settles it!

I told Max I was going to get my toenails painted. He said he wanted to paint his. I told him only girls painted theirs; sorry, not boys. He said he wanted to be beautiful! (I don’t think I’ve ever said I was going to be beautiful…never!) I told him when he showered and brushed his hair and teeth and wore clean clothes he was beautiful. He said no, he was just good looking then, he was gonna paint his toenails so he could be beautiful.

What am I gonna do with this kid???!!